Can I Interest You in Chanukkah?
by pres1111
Summary: The Doctor always gets into trouble on Christmas.  What if he considered a different holiday?  Songfic.


**Well, it's been a while. I've just been really busy lately. I got inspired to write this after thinking about all the Christmas specials- if the Doctor gets in so much trouble on Christmas, why doesn't he consider a different holiday? This was the result. It's a songfic based on the song "Can I Interest You in Chanukkah?". Look it up on You Tube at some point. (I did change some things, though, to make it fit.) Oh, and one more thing.**

**11th Doctor: Pres1111 does not own Doctor Who, or else she'd be flying in the TARDIS with me right now. She does own her OC Monica, though, even though Monica's not developed enough to have any huge impact.**

Monica and the Doctor ran into the TARDIS and slammed the door behind them. The companion stared through the window to make sure nothing was following them.

"Go, go, go!" She shouted frantically at the Doctor as he dashed around the TARDIS console, frantically fiddling with the different controls on each panel.

"What do you think I'm doing, making fish custard?" He wheezed back. The two both breathed heavy sighs of relief as they heard the dematerializing noise and watched the monitor display change from a spaceship interior to the inside of the Time Vortex.

The two sat down on the steps with tired grins and then, slowly but surely, started to laugh.

"Did you see the look on that one Sontaran's face when it realized that someone had knocked out the commander with a paintball gun?"

"Where did you find that thing, anyway? I could've sworn I hid it away in the TARDIS after the last disaster you caused with it."

"I didn't find it; I bought a new one in the gift shop. Apparently in the future, they'll sell anything at the Olympics. And for the record, that thing with the emperor wasn't my fault. How was I to know that he outlawed any form of paint due to allergies?"

"I tried to warn you-"

"You used impossible techno-babble; I thought you were saying that I shouldn't say anything about avocados! That Christmas trip was almost as crazy as this one. Do these kind of things happen to you every Christmas?"

"No, no! No, no, no-" he stopped as he saw Monica raise an eyebrow. "Well, maybe once or twice." He avoided her eyes and fiddled with his bow-tie.

"If the trips are this cursed, maybe I should've mentioned that I'm Jewish and don't celebrate Christmas."

The Doctor stared at her in disbelief. "Why didn't you mention that before?"

"You never asked. If Christmas gives you so much trouble, why not try celebrating a different holiday? In fact," she jumped up and walked in front of the Doctor with a smile on her face, and started singing. "_Can I interest you in Chanukkah? Maybe something in a festival of lights? It's a sensible alternative to Christmas._" She held up a Sontaran battle helmet, another souvenir from their trip, before placing it on the floor, a little more out of the way. "_And it lasts for seven- for you, eight- nights._"

The Doctor grinned at her joke. He rested his head on his hand. "_Chanukkah, huh? I've never really thought about it."_

"_Well, you could do worse,"_ Monica said with a laugh.

"_Is it merry?"_ The Doctor asked, producing a Santa hat from an indiscernible location and placing it on his head.

Monica shrugged. "_It's kind of merry."_

"_Is it cheery?_" He sang back, donning a scarf.

"_It's got some cheer."_ She shrugged again.

"_Is it jolly?" _He questioned with yet another grin, stroking a reindeer plushie, again produced from an indiscernible location.

"_Look, I wouldn't know from jolly,"_ she sang impatiently. _"But it's not my least un-favorite time of year!"_

"_When's it start?" _He asked with excitement.

"_On the twenty-fifth._"

"_Of December?"_

"_... Kislev."_

"_Which is when exactly?"_

Monica struggled to remember when exactly the holiday fell this year._ "... I will check."_

The Doctor seemed a bit doubtful then. _"Are there presents?"_

"_Yes, indeed, eight days of presents!" _She smiled. _"Which means one nice one, then a week of dreck."_

"Dreck? What's 'dreck'?"

"Oh, it's garbage, crap, junk, rubbish... you know, that kind of thing."

"Ah. Well, _does Chanukkah commemorate events profound and holy? A king who came to save the world?"_

"_No, oil that burnt quite slowly."_

There was a second of quiet before the Doctor proudly proclaimed, "_Well, it sounds fantastic! _Rather cool."

Monica's smile grew wider. "_There's more! We have latkes."_

"_What are they?"_

"_Potato pancakes." _She took out a plate filled with them from her pocket, and then passed it to him. _"We have dreydls."_

"_What are they?"_

"_Wooden tops." _She took one out of her pocket and spun it on the floor. _"We have candles."_

"_What are they?"_

"_They are CANDLES!" _The Doctor tried not to laugh at her expression of disbelief and irritation. Monica got a hold of herself before singing, "_And when we light them, oh the fun, it never stops."_ She took a picture out of her pocket, of her own family lighting menorahs a few years before, and stared at it nostalgically.

The Doctor took a minute to think before he replied, _"I'm trying to see me as a Jew, I'm trying even harder. But I believe in_- well, not quite sure I believe in anything in specific, to be honest- _so it's a real non-starter."_

Monica deflated a little there. _"I can't interest you in Chanukkah? Just a little bit?"_

"_No thanks, I'll pass." _He smiled and gave her back her things. _"I'll keep _- well, whatever I keep- _you keep your potato pancakes, but I hope that you enjoy 'em, on behalf of all the goyim."_

She stuffed the items back in her pockets. _"Be sure to tell the Pontiff, my people say Good Yontif."_

The two then decided to break the fourth wall, put their hands around each others shoulders, and sang, _"Happy Holidays, you too."_

**Well, like it, hate it, press the review button and tell me what you think! I'll give you some virtual latkes if you do!**

**P.S. Yes, I know that it's past the holidays, this is the first chance I got to write and post this.**


End file.
